A line from a song hit me while I was pondering judgement. Spare me your judgements and spare me your dreams
‘Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams
I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind’. (Thistles & Weeds, by Mumford & Sons)

To be at the point of clarity and release, we must first go through the metaphorical tower moment then Death. From this death comes grief, confusion, sadness, anger and finally acceptance. These are normal emotions that accompany the aftermath of a major ending. I believe we do have the choice in how we handle sadness and disappointment in order to reach clarity and release. We are able to assess and learn.

The catch is being aware of that “ego voice”. The part of us that wants the control, the fairy tale, the idealistic yet unrealistic reality. The part of us that sabotages our happiness and causes much havoc if we allow it. When we look at the imagery depicted in many pieces of art on Judgement it has a very spiritual connotation to it. The figures appear to be experiencing a resurrection in order to be assessed on their heart and actions. This idea is huge. There is often forgiveness with the moments after Judgement. With forgiveness comes healing and the ability to change and discard and start life anew. Metaphorically this is something we should, if we are on a path of light-leaning growth, experience many times in our lives.

If we choose to really really reflect and be as impartial as is possible for us to do, then we can stand in our own truth more accurately.

It’s easy to get caught up in how something should have been. This is a trap because it paralyses our growth and ability to step into a beautiful life again by keeping us at the graveside of what has passed.

To hear and face the call to awakening or starting over are two very different things.

We can hear easily- listening and acting is the hard part.

Starting over with new skills,understanding and knowledge doesn’t mean the circle of endings will never come round again. Life is one big cycle of revolutions. What judgement or being woken does is let us keep what is useful from our experiences and throw away what is useless baggage.

I love the term rising from the ashes.. it is so dramatic yet perfect for regeneration. It is up to us to do what we choose with what we have. The imagery and symbolism on many paintings and art of the Judgement card show that it is possible for anyone to experience this consciousness, rebirth or resurrection.

It is liberating to come to a point of accepting our own roles fully, and not blaming the other or the situation or event. Do we have to be grateful for heartache and loss? I don’t think so. But what i do think we must be grateful for is how it brings us closer to living in our truth and wisdom. The purpose of life IS to be happy. We will not find that in others. Or things .We find that in our depths. We find that in our own.ability for contentment as a human. To be given the chance to rise and follow our authentic road – that is a gift for sure.

The song finishes with the phrase “plant your hopes in good deeds, don’t smother your soul in thistle and weeds..”

Very apt for growth and release.


“Don’t cover yourself in thistles and weeds.. “

Major Arcana, Tarot Thoughts

The Moon – reflecting

Tarot Thoughts

I’ve been pondering much lately. My mind and heart chattering away between feeling and thinking and reconciling these two arch enemies. I was mulling over things randomly in my pondering chair in the heat of the summer afternoon, and it occurred to me how easily we become fuzzy in our perception and reality.
Our egos are so very clever at winning over! Especially when we have so much healing to do. We zone out of our authentic self. We subconsciously choose to listen to the voice inside that tells us we are no good, that we are failing, hopeless, undeserving and so on. Pride steps in and we don’t ask for help to re centre and rebalance. How easy we get trapped in the cycle of ego and repetition of old habits.

I reflect now on the beautiful Moon card, number 18 of the Major Arcana in the tarot. The illusion of darkness that descends as the sun sets and night falls. The shadows that play tricks on our minds and imaginations. How entrancing the moon can be. So mesmerizing and intoxicating. Nothing seems quite the same by moonlight.

Sometimes on a very dark night it is so black and frightening that even a rustle can send shivers and fear through us. Yet We conjure up monsters and believe they are real. We cannot see the moon clearly, but it is always there. And then there are other times we bask in the hazy glow of the moon’s shimmer imagining beautiful scenes of fairytale and fantasy. There is something ethereal about the moon, yet most of us have learned through our schooling the facts as they are known, but this cannot take away from the imagination and power that the Moon holds on us. I think now of the journeys in a car or on a train as a little girl and seeing the moon bright and large in the night sky and believing the illusion that she was “following” me. Yet I don’t feel foolish for believing that. Why? Because when you take things as you see them – it’s natural to believe.

This is kind of like those moments where we are certain of something, yet it is actually not so. The Moons effect in the wisdom of the tarot can be like that. All is not as it appears and only dawn and clarity can prove this.

The metaphors of the cards never cease to inspire me to learn and grow. The layers and layers are so rich and full.

The myths and legends of the moon, the worship and the magick linked to it is a big part of our culture in many places. The Moon can very much symbolise the opposite to illusion. It can be intuition heightened and calling us to be still and listen. If we don’t we might lead ourselves on a wild goose chase. I think it all depends how far we dare to venture from the pool that keeps us hidden. Yet we allow ourselves to believe what we see and hear because we need to.

When we get lost in the hypnotic pull of the moon, it becomes a little confusing, and we can lose our way a little. And I guess that’s when we begin to believe what our ego voice is telling us. We don’t stop to question the validity for clarity.

Our emotions are deeply changeable and prone to shift, like the tides. Our egos love this because it adds fuel to what it is telling us.

If we allow this to build and build, it is hard to move out of the abyss that is our life and all it’s watery emotion that pulls us under beneath the moon.

We are human and we are prone to great ups and downs, just as there are seasons of extreme cool and heat. The moon determines the ebb and flow of the oceans – like the ebb and flow of our emotions – always shifting and moving.

To notice and acknowledge when we are experiencing a period of uncertainty and illusion, even disillusionment, might help us to be aware of our ego voice and the traps it is setting us. It might allow us to pause and allow things to be what they are, after all they can’t be anything else. What if we were to hush those night noises of our ego and the distractions of the night and tune into our deeper selves?

Not all we think and feel is really so. Not all we think others think of us or feel about us is true either. To try and remain at least with a tiny part of ourselves grounded in our authentic self while we travel through the darkness might make all the difference! If not, that’s OK too. The Sun will bring clarity again. Just be kind to yourself and forgiving of yourself on that day.

Much love,

Tess x

Personal growth is not a tree that is evident in everyone’s backyard. Why do some people grow, change, thrive, and others do not? This question was put to me for discussion by an intelligent, growing and ever changing person. I realised that this question needed much understanding and thought which could only be sourced through deep meditation and external searching.

The first idea that came to me was courage, that is courage to face our life, our ego and our authenticity level head on.

It doesn’t matter who you are, how good or bad your experience in this life has been. The hardships and pain each and every one on earth experiences is no more or less for each of us from a relative perspective. It comes down to the meter or measuring stick that we use to compare our struggles with our overall individual experience.

My tool for understanding life is of course the symbolism and progression in the tarot. The archetypes that we all share no matter what, so this is what I draw on to make sense of our journey and lessons.

I have discovered that we all do grow – just in different ways. We cannot experience the brutality of life and not grow. Just because another person does not see evidence of this growth does not make this not so.

I was brutally dumped by my partner via text a few days ago, and I did not imagine this would ever happen. It shattered my fragile ideas that by growing I would attract a person of high value. Yes, this person was aware and on a path to healing and definitely experienced growth in his life. But positive growth as a person means you have faith in your choices and trust. So just because someone says they are growing or want to grow and be aware, does not mean it changes who they are.

At the heart of us all we are what we are. For me I am a seeker of beauty, compassion, gentleness, love and truth. That doesn’t mean I always display these qualities, but what it does mean is that when I fail to embody my essence, and my growth is stunted, I become aware of this. And try and integrate. Facing our shadow or darkness does not mean we must use it. Like the lion and the maiden in the Strength card in a way.

We are continually learning all the time, so how can we not grow. Just because it is not conscious doesn’t alter this. Our growth can be internal and invisible. It can be misread by others and not even show up on their radar, so who are we to judge another based on what we deem as growth.

Maybe some people grow into their darkness. We can choose which way we lean.

That person who broke my heart chose at that moment to lean into their own darkness, they listened to their ego and chose to grow in a different direction to me. The cards reminded me that even if I don’t understand why that person made this choice, it doesn’t actually matter. It is not my choice to understand. Does it make it easier and less painful? No, but it allows me to actually consciously choose how I grow.

If I was not so determined to be my best self, I could choose to lean into my darkness and grow in a way that embraces that darkness negatively and feeds it.

The archetypes in the cards show us WHAT we can grow into at any given time. They show us the energy of that quality and how it impacts not only our experience, but that of those around us.

As I reflect on how nothing is ever truly stable in reality, I think growing is overrated as something we must do all the time. We need to find peace where we are and establish strong branches and roots before we can move on and expand- otherwise the experience will not be beneficial anyway.

I believe every one grows in their own way.

Much love,

Tess x

Personal Growth – is it optional?

Tarot Thoughts

The times we feel really defeated and low can be pretty hard on our morale. We might wonder what the point is, or that we might as well give up because it always ends up this way. Pretty well victim mentality thinking in a nutshell!

What if we were to utilise the energy of the 5 of Wands constructively to begin an inner conflict for growth and healing. A way to challenge this thinking and feeling and argue the issues out with our ego and our voice of reason and separate the victim from the survivor and thriver to gain the courage to rise and gain forward momentum.

Inner conflict serves a purpose. It helps us to find clarity and understanding and grow – if we use it constructively.

Of course it can also be extremely toxic and sabotaging if we are not aware and willing to work with it.

Why do we get so caught up in the endless struggles of inner conflict without resolution? Fear!

Fear of the unknown. Guilt – unable to forgive ourselves. Anger. Not being able to let go. All of these nasties and more. The very things that will hold us down and back if we do not make a conscious effort to understand and purify.

Nope, there are no guarantees in life, we know that. Yes, we stumble, err, and fail. But humans have this tremendous quality that can be polished and made strong, it is called resilience. The amazing magical quality of resilience. What is it? It is springing back. It is recovery. It is coming back after adversity.

This quality is like our safety net when our life has us down and out. We forget that we have survived everything we have been through so far! We forget that each struggle is an opportunity for examination and observation. It isn’t easy. Not all of it can be solved. Having faith in who we are, believing that if our intentions are from the source of love, the source of integrity and what is best for ourselves, and importantly that we have the power to choose freely and grow – all through working with the inner battle as opposed to being defeated by it, sounds like progress to me 🙂

Constructive Inner Conflict – Using the 5 of Wands to our advantage.

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, Tarot Thoughts, The Pondering Chair

Through the windows to the 4 of Pentacles, The Fool, The Hanged Man and the Queen of Cups

So often our fears link to our learned behaviour of extreme self preservation. Experiences can distort our perceptions so much that we unknowingly hold so dear to the edge out of a debilitating fear of being swept out of our depth, or worse still drowning.

So, we sit tight and never ever venture too far from our safety zone. This means that we lose touch with the opportunities to not only experience the things we long for, but we become hardened and closed off. Fear can feel like it is our warden and our safety zones our prisons.

We long to have the confidence to just say ‘I’m ready. I’m free and the moment is now. I do not know what is beyond but I am excited to find out.’ But instead we carefully try and plan for and control everything so that we are never in a position where we are willing to take risks that could in truth turn out to be amazing. We cannot deal with the what ifs, the fear, the risking of the heart and the emotion.

But if we stay in the cells of self preservation and security how will we ever ever find out the possibilities? How will we ever truly heal, grow, become receptive and discover what is meant to be.

There is a beauty and peace in letting go. Letting go of all we hold on to so tightly. The myth of Odin willingly hanging from the world tree for 9 days in order to attain wisdom, by surrendering to a new perspective enabled him to attain the knowledge to the sacred runes.

This story teaches us that in placing ourselves totally in a position of complete detachment and surrender allows us to gain what we need to move forward once we have let go of what we think we know already, let go of ego and fear, so we may make space to allow new insight, understanding and clarity to unfold. This is a sacrifice in itself – it is sacrificing our attachment to needing to control and resist what may lead us out of our comfort zone. It is indeed a time of transition and change. A huge shift in perspective.

By doing this we can discover what it feels like to truly embrace the feeling side of our being. We can own that feminine capacity to feel so deeply and strongly that it empowers us and teaches us that being seated in our receptive power is a strength, not a weakness.

This energy flows through us from the waters of life up into our core and replenishes our natural thirst to receive and express. To own our feelings, to share the emotion and depth with another in a way that only can bring healing. We can trust our intuition because we have learned that we do not belong forever on the shore. Yes, it felt secure, but it did not serve our true purpose. To overcome the fear and holding back by trusting in surrender, and allowing our preconceived ideas to fall from us can truly bring us to where we need to be to feel safe to own and embrace all we are and receive all that is offered, with grace and dignity.

Our souls were meant to find nourishment through this flow. This is the gift of being brave enough to challenge the perceptions that we hold on to because they are “safe” and make sense.

Much love,

Tess x

To overcome fear motivated by exaggerated self preservation.

Tarot Thoughts

Choices, Consequence and Moral Codes – The Lovers, Justice & The Hierophant

Law of Attraction, Major Arcana, The Pondering Chair

I have discovered on a personal level that I have ingrained codes of what affects my conscience. It’s funny how we don’t realise the potential effect our actions can have on others until we are faced with a personal moral dilemma.

It’s interesting how The Lovers, Justice and The Hierophant can tell the story of choice between pure love and desire, the consequences of that choice and how far we are willing to go before our moral and ethical beliefs cause us to choose what we believe at our core essence and halt.

It makes us question how high or low we wish to demonstrate our value, and pushes us to draw back and truly understand a part of ourselves that we always believed we had, but never truly claimed ownership to.

There are times in our life where we do what’s right not because we want to, but because our higher self compels us. To battle against what we truly desire and have in reach, is a real test of our self value.

The Wheel shows us that what goes around comes around, we are never up for too long and never right down for too long. It shows us that what we put out, returns, and teaches us that what we are considering breaking our code for is never meant to be permanent anyway. Change and movement is inevitable. Pretending it isn’t is fooling ourselves and setting us up for The Tower.

To have these dilemmas of conscience brings us to a state of hanging – The Hanged Man and all that his meaning encompasses. We are suspended in a state of being almost frozen. Fear, pride, wanting – all these things bring us to a period of deep silent reflection. Uncomfortable reflection too.

Our world has been turned upside down and all we can do is retreat until we have the insight to accept what is and learn that the more we fight, the more fatigued we get.

There is an opportunity for surrender to our higher self. To come to a solitary conclusion in which we know that this period has taught us so much enables us to let go of what has put us in this position in the first place.

Of course personally I have faced moral choices before, but somehow the low value I placed on myself was a perfectly acceptable reason to ignore that caring, knowing voice of logic and heart. This always, always resulted in the Wheel turning abruptly, and the harsh side of Justice to come slamming down.

Usually this was by not only the personal shame that was felt in the long-term , but by the Law of Attraction making me harvest what I had sown.

To find out what it is like to care about oneself, and to truly believe that we deserve so much good is quite a new concept for those who never before have placed high value on their own existence.

To get used to having love for oneself and believe in being worthy is the key to loving others in a way that is pure and almost holy. The choices we face, the dualities of light and dark, cause and effect become clearly apparent to us.

This also means that anything that doesn’t align with the amazing gifts we as precious beings deserve in every aspect of our lives becomes blatantly obvious. With this high value, we know instinctively that the choice we must decide on is clear .

This personal growth, value of self and awareness does not mean it is by any means always easy to make the right choices for us. But it does give us the springboard to remain true to our authenticity. That is the road to inner peace. That is the solid seedling of true love. All of a sudden it makes sense – to love others we must first love ourselves.

The 10 of Swords and Growth

Consciousness, Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair

There are times in our life that just suck… a lot. Usually things get really bad before they get better. I have no reasoning for this, it is just the way it is. That saying “it is always darkest before the dawn” is such a fitting saying for these times and for the 10 of Swords.

For some reason, we humans have to hit rock bottom to see a way out, or up. We have to feel the full force of the pain before we can heal. There is a contradictory beauty to being shattered – it gives us the tools to grow, learn and flourish. Sometimes that is the only way we can.

It is often through intense pain we begin to see and understand. It is the most unpleasant way to revelation, yet the most powerful and transforming way too.

It is not easy to find hope and strength when we are lying weak, broken and alone on the floor, it is not easy to pick oneself up. It is tempting to remain there and give up altogether. To just give in to the wounded and shattered feelings, and feed off our misery.

But as you are evolving and awakening to consciousness, you understand that there is sometimes grace through suffering.

By this I mean drawing on the self love you have, to compassionately see that whilst it feels like you have been wounded beyond repair, you are aware that this too shall pass, and you will be wiser, stronger and ready to face life, and the world with new eyes.

You are able to build your courage, determination and mind back up to wholeness. Knowing what you have learned and experienced.

That is one of the most precious gifts of all – the power of resilience and healing we as humans can naturally adopt. We are designed to gradually self heal from these moments.

Before this healing takes place we must come to terms with the ending and annihalation we are feeling. We must then have faith in the process.

The comfort that comes from this card is that the worst is over or soon will be.

While this ending can be so hard, more often than not it is the slam that can lead us to awakening for the first time. The universe acts for our highest good, regardless of how we see it.

As I reflect for a moment on the 10 of Swords times in life, it occurs to me that if I had never hit the ground, I’d have never seen the stars.