Sometimes I think we need to ache a little to find out who we truly are. We become so layered with sheets and sheets of who we are supposed to be, what we are supposed to be doing, how we are supposed to act, speak, think and feel that the true essence of our being becomes concreted over with these layers and layers of thin cement of conforming and adapting and fitting in.
Our soul and spirit becomes uncomfortable with this. It becomes itchy, and for some of us we cannot ignore this itch so we begin to pick at the layers here and there. Then the open areas become inflamed and sore. An infection begins and starts to fester. Naturally we begin to hurt. The hurting spreads into our system and our lives begin to become uncomfortable. We cannot pinpoint the exact reason or source, yet we just know something is terribly wrong and we don’t know how to heal it.
By this time we have started to strip back the layers. Usually not one by one, because we are not aware that we have gradually built them up. We don’t even know they are there! That is being unconscious. If we are slowly waking to consciousness we may have stirrings of this, and we can gently peel them back or chip away with a delicate chisel. This is a painful process. The being underneath is raw and vulnerable. It has not seen the light in a long time.
Each layer is built as a defence mechanism, as an aspect of acceptability in a world of being ‘normal’ and part of the crowd. The uniqueness that is you underneath all of this is something that started to be covered over as a young teenager. Yet here you are, at a pivotal point in life, so miserably unhappy. What is the point of all this? Who am I? Where did it all go wrong? Why is everything so hard? I’m so over it all. How can I be happy? If only….
There is no real if only. There is only now. There is only facing up to reality that underneath all this pain and sadness is a human who is lost beneath layers of inauthenticity and conforming to ideals that don’t feed the soul.
We need to experience the pain to find the source. We need to ache to know things are not right. There are no quick fixes or magical cures. We must deal with each chunk of our non authentic self before we can become reacquainted with our true and beautiful core. The core that is made up of dark and light.
The process is not pain free. But it is liberating. As the armour gets lighter, our spirit lifts a little more each time. We will hover and rise up, and fall down a little over and over for a time. That is part of it. But that is movement – much better than wallowing and stagnating in a boggy pond.
The process to strip and chip away at the layers of conforming and masking our authentic selves is not for the faint hearted. When we are hurting there is usually a reason. It is a signal from our amazing body telling us something is not right. This is no different when our spirit and soul is crying out. I wonder why we do not acknowledge this more often?
Just a thought.
Much love, Tess xo