The Essence of Integrity 

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair, Uncategorized

The Ace of Swords, truth and integrity.. not always easy!
Some people cannot help but be honest, it is part of their make up. The essence of this honesty can be seen most beautifully in the Ace of Swords. It is the sword of truth and clarity.

Honesty and truth in theory should mean that life is much more pleasant, but in reality honesty and truth leaves space for hurt. The saying “the truth hurts” has a totally relevant yet different meaning in context of how one lives their life.

Other less evolved beings are attracted to those who live their  truth and honesty. Why would you not be? Not all that are drawn to the Ace of Swords are worthy, but that integrity and beauty of the essence of the Ace of Swords that glistens in the light also means that sometimes we forget that truth in another does not always come so naturally. This creates hurt when the Ace is exposed to deceit.

Aces are beautiful yet fragile. So delicate in their purity that they are easily destroyed. It is very much a two edged sword in this context also – yet of all the Aces, the Sword is the only one that is armed, ready to honour this truth.

Even when the hurt is strong, and we are tempted to change our outlook and bury that essence forever, somehow it’s not possible – perhaps it is because integrity is more valuable to us than being vulnerable.

To live a life that has meaning, to be a human that is shining and sharp means that at times, especially when defences are down, there will be pain. Life is full of pain as we know – yet we have the Sword of truth, integrity and clarity as our weapon when needed  to realise that without these qualities life would be worth nothing – it would all be a lie.

Remaining true to the essence of the Sword not only means we are hard on ourselves when we slip up by dropping our defences – but also gives comfort to us in those moments we are hurt by those who cannot handle this rare beauty and try and manipulate or take advantage of that honesty and innocence.

Always remind yourself, if you hold the Sword, that strength comes with wisdom. Move forward beyond those not evolved enough to face their own truths let alone yours, and feel the magic of integrity.  

Stay focused on the fact that while truth sometimes hurts, your soul remains clean – and that your truth and honesty is a virtue that many claim, but few rarely have. It takes a lot of soul searching to continue that lonely journey!

Truth,and integrity is the most attractive quality in this day and age – and a gift that is rare.


The Lovers. The Divine Connection 

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Opportunities arise all the time to establish bonds and relationships with other humans. This is how we make friends, lovers, partners and associates.

For myself personally , the last few years has presented numerous opportunities to form romantic partnerships or relationships.

I have been on earth for a few decades and then some, so experience becomes less of a bitter sting and more of a teacher – and I have held out because there was always something missing.


Now 5, 10 even 20 years ago I lived in the world of fairytales and the Frog turns into a Prince. One divorce and one serious yet turbulent and scarring relationship later, I discovered that I had choices, and being with Mr Not-Quite- Right, but that’s as good as I’m going to get, was basically letting myself down and being dishonest to the other party.


Having realised that if something was not as amazing as it should be – no amount of pretending it doesn’t matter will change the inevitable culmination of sorrow and loneliness that comes down the track. If it wasn’t right on every level, then it wasn’t worth the risk.


The Lovers card can symbolically be a connection beyond earthly explanation with another human, some of us might have truly doubted that we would feel that in this lifetime and accept that wholly. Love and bliss are not necessarily intertwined, and we can love a person to any degree. 


However, connecting and merging with another in the sense of heaven and earth just meant to be, worthy of giving in to all your fears is beyond that – it reaches your soul and ignites every fibre in your being.


If we settle for one of those opportunities that on the surface appears perfectly suitable ‘but…’, then we are going to prolong meeting or maybe even miss that all encompassing soul and mind connection that comes along so rarely in a lifetime.


This is the Lovers card in one of its contrasting and contradictory contexts. To choose what can only be sent from the universe, or go with what what makes sense. We cannot explain the things that are beyond our realm, and sometimes we come across something or someone that vibrates energy that matches ours, sparks fly and the invitation to walk the journey  cannot be ignored.


This definitely does not mean we are not petrified! Scars and injuries leave lasting marks that take tenderness and compassion to navigate. It takes courage to follow the feelings and magnetic pull. There is no guarantee of where the road will lead, and the lessons may still be on their way – but when you decide to listen, and to feel and most importantly to believe – despite the terror beating in the back of your heart – you are conquering another demon! That is brave. That is growth.


As the divine connections that feel so rare and so right pull you, will you make the choice, trust and take the leap? Or will you forever wonder in regret?


That is something to think about!!

The 7 of Cups and it’s comfort in the lesson of allowing children to experience death face to face.

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair, Uncategorized

A couple of years ago I agreed to adopt an elderly dog. He was a little fat dachshund cross terrier of some description who had belonged to an elderly lady since puppyhood who had subsequently been moved to a nursing home.

The family of the lady didn’t want this dog, so I was asked and said ok. My girls wanted a dog and this little man needed a family.

He was a well-fed man. By well fed I mean overweight. I got him neutered to prevent him roaming and after a month or two of depression from missing his mumma he settled into life with kids.

I believe that old saying is quite true now. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but boy could Mr Bonz be a cunning old dog when it came to swiping cat biscuits! I remember catching him mid swipe having reached up high and carefully getting the little silver bowl of cat food and carefully trotting through the house carrying it perfectly level so as not to spill a morsel of those fishy crunchies by gripping the bowl with his mouth. He wasn’t a silly man that’s for sure.

Obviously with an older dog there would be some ingrained quirks. Yapping at anyone who entered the driveway – even us. Not listening when being instructed to hush. Sitting in MY chair, even when he had his own chair. Stealing cat food. Slightly, well majorly neurotic when he saw the broom, or anything near him, clanking noises and anything other than utter calm.

Laying on his back like an upside down turtle, sometimes getting stuck that way due to his weight problem –  But boy did he have buckets of love to give. Buckets and buckets!

He loved to come in the car riding shotgun. Howling with my middle child  (that was their special thing), compulsive eating if he could and the sweetest disposition a family of 4 females could ever ask for. He was our main man and he had won our hearts.

Adopting an elderly dog is a beautiful thing, you provide life and love and warmth to a being that gives back a zillion times over. But nothing can prepare you for the day the angels call your friend to the soft green fields in the sky. Nothing. Even though you knew this day would come sooner than you expected.

I asked myself if letting my children, Mr Bonza’s second ever family, comfort and be educated and prepared for the next couple of days was a wise move. Being 10, 12 and 17 I felt they were mature enough to face this by his side and strong together as a family. Death is shocking. It is hard. It is messy. It is part of life. This little bundle of furry love needed us now – all of us – more than ever.

As i sit here the day after Mr Bonza has left us feeling lost and a little lonely without him, I again questioned my choice. The Seven of Cups turned over for reflection on the lessons we can take from this sorrow and it tells me many things.

Choices are so many in life. We can never be certain which one is right. Each has it’s own consequences. But more than anything we must sometimes bring things into reality. And do this in a way that will help us grow and evolve.

There is emotion and heart at the core of the decision – and sometimes I feel this is glossed over in the card. 7’s are unstable. There is turmoil. So much happening in the 7 of Cups symbolised by each individual cup that it is difficult to make heads nor tails of things when we are so emotionally charged.

The cards connection to Scorpio shouts at me the most of our connection to death and the spirit world and crossing over. Reassuring that the confusion and uncertainty that this all brings is a necessary process of learning and accepting.

We will all treasure the love and experience of having Mr Bonz in our lives for the time he was gifted to us. Together we will work through the realities of death and letting go, and treasure being with him to comfort him as he passed into permanent ever after.

The care and responsibilities that come with being a pet caretaker are no light matter. There are many parts that are a bit icky and it’s a day in day out responsibility that the girls took on, albeit sometimes reluctantly. Even as a mother I have days where I feel reluctant to do what I must! The joy you gave us outweighed anything else by mountains my friend.  Mr Bonz, you have taken a piece of our hearts with you little man. Thank you for choosing us to spend your last couple of years with, and thank you for allowing all of us to be with you when you left to be with your first mumma in the infinite universe. We will miss you and we treasure the reminder of how precious and fragile life is, and that reality is sometimes hard ! But how beautiful the in between moments are Xxxx 

The Ace of Cups – The Essence of who you are. 

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair, Uncategorized

A couple of years ago I asked the tarot ‘who am I?’ and drew the Ace of Cups. At the time, I was at a stage in life where I had experienced major trauma and life issues that had shaken my world to the ground. I was only at the beginning of slowly piecing back together who I thought I was, without having any clue as to not only who, but how. I didn’t fully understand the significance of the answer the cards gave me, as is usually the way with these things. All I knew was that it was something precious, beautiful and needing to be nurtured and cultivated.

Fast forward to the present moment, and I can see that at the essence of every single one of us is the Ace of Cups. At least we start out that way, and the fact of the matter is that even if our cup, our vessel – the self – is not full, it is still there. All the beautiful love, heart and spirit that we are made up of somehow becomes fragmented and disjointed within our being, and we spend our whole lives trying to refill that cup from external sources, only to find that these external fillers dissipate fairly quickly. And so we feel empty again, inadequate and not enough, so begin to find a new source to fill us up, to complete us.

Again and again we hear and read and see words and seminars and quotes and courses declaring that self love is the key to it all. And for the most part I wholeheartedly agree with this, but feel it also goes much deeper. It is about understanding, forgiving, falling down and getting up. It is gratitude, acceptance, and facing up to the truths we deny deep within.

We have to pick up each fragmented piece and carefully place it exactly where it fits just right for us, and quite often this may not even be the same place it started off at.  

Completion to me does not mean we will never ache, but it does mean we will recognise why we are aching and rummage around within ourselves to find what is needed to fit into that little space that is aching at that time. Little by little, the cup fills and fills, this time the contents remain because that is where they originate from. It is authentic and feels right. We must take care of ourselves properly in order to remain whole. Value ourselves and our own worth. 


No one, no one else can complete us, and we have no right to expect them to. We are born through the universe with all we need waiting to bloom within. The abundance of love, and the capacity for love within us is immeasurable. We are each as lovable now as the day we were born, and learning that and accepting that is essential in our road to feeling complete.


We allow others to take away from us in order to somehow complete themselves, not understanding what is happening, nor realising that by allowing this so willingly, we are becoming more fragmented.

Often we even remove parts of ourselves and hide them deep in our caves of secret self, in order to please others and dim our own shine in order to create comfort for others. We do this to be more ‘loveable’ yet we lose the most important love, and respect – the one that we have for ourselves.

When we don’t love ourselves, we don’t have a very full cup. In fact the emptiness seems impossible to fill. Until we learn to locate the source for nourishment and fulfillment within, we will feel empty. We will top up our cup from external sources.

The most beautiful thing I’ve discovered from the tarot to date is the gifts waiting for us within the Ace of Cups. To know and understand how precious every living being is and to realise that also includes yourself – no matter what we have been groomed to believe – that’s just love right there… so drink from your own cup, shine on and love who you are x 

Pondering The Night

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Wizard's Tarot

Late last night I was sitting on
my back verandah in my pondering chair. Do you ever get to the point where you just wish your thoughts would switch off for a while? I often wish this. I suppose being so isolated and living the Hermit style life has made me quite a serious person in many ways. My thoughts are always so random but lead me to interesting ideas. To counteract this Ive taken up playing lego with my girls. Its quite therapeutic actually. But back to my pondering last night. It was quite a bright night, lots of stars and a fairly strong breeze. There is something about the wind that always gives me a feeling of empowerment. I love it. I love the wind. Anyway, there was a silhouette of my water tank which stands on a platform about 12 feet off the ground, and adjacent to that is a beautiful old leafy gum tree. The silhouette in the distorted light of the night was lovely. It was just me, the night and the odd stirring of life.
I basked in the peace and temporary illusion of peace for a good 20 minutes and let my mind soak up the beauty of the sky, the sound of the rustling leaves and the feel of the breeze.
Now it is day time and Im looking at the same view. How different it is. There is no sense of wonder or mystery. The breeze is still blowing and now birds are chirping. There’s flies buzzing around and the reality of my backyard looks a bit untidy.
Have you noticed how our emotions are much more intense at night. We seem to be more irrational and overwhelmed by our feelings. Tears flow more at night time too. And sometimes we feel frightened in the dark of night. Our anxieties and worries kick in to over drive. We finally drift off to sleep.

Morning – day time, things are clearer. What was so overwhelming is now more manageable. Our tears have left us tired and bleary eyed. But there is a new light to see better. It’s interesting how that works isn’t it?
What about the decisions we make late at night? Have you ever made a decision late at night based on the feelings and thoughts that come with the darkness of the evening? Experience has taught me that these decisions are often better made in the sunlight.
These ideas may or may not prompt some thought in you on The Moon and The Sun tarot card.
Just some random thoughts 🙂

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A Little Reminder..

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Sometimes we get so bogged down in the mundane we forget how amazing we truly are!
My current studies have bought lots of interesting thoughts to the surface. As I come to a peaceful agreement with this perspective I shall share more 🙂

We are so far detached from our roots we are lost. Through tarot, and our study and how we relate to it and what surfaces, we may just begin to find out where we lost our true self along the way to becoming intelligent ‘civilized’ beings.
Something to ponder and delve into in detail in the future!