The Sun – Intensity at it’s full strength.

Major Arcana, The Pondering Chair

The Sun – without it we would not survive. It is one of the keys or components that together with other necessary elements  sustains life on earth. There is nothing quite as comforting as holding your face towards a warm sun on a cold day. The smile of sunshine can lift spirits and hearts by simply being what it is. Radiant, warm, light giving beauty.

The sun is powerful – so much so that looking directly into it’s bright light without a filter can cause blindness. The sun can be dangerous. It can suck the life out of living organisms by simply beating down. It sucks out life force given the right conditions because that is the power of something so intense.


When we face the bright light of sunshine head on in a metaphorical sense, we can be so dazzled we fail to truly see clearly straight away. I have always felt intuitively with the tarot that too much energy from the Sun card can have a detrimental effect – and the clarity and truth and joy the card can bring can often be misread in terms of reality.


How can we filter the sun’s energy when it is blaring in our face? This is the question I have been pondering the last few days. The thoughts that have entered my ever expanding understanding of the cards in connection with making sense of life lead me to believe that we need protection at all times when we are looking at the Sun – in order to see clearly.


The positive that the Sun card brings is truth, perspective and a reminder of realigning our egos to live in harmony with our authenticity.

Yes – it is an extremely positive card. But as with all things in existence it has it’s own dualities. It has extremes.


As I reflect on the energy of the Sun card and come to terms with its stark light illuminating and potentially burning fragile aspects that cannot withstand the exposure for too long, I see truth and clarity coming to the fore. I am grateful for the beautiful yet often intense force of the Sun card. I am reminded that even when something seems so positive and bright – there is always a shadow side.


That is life. That is reality. Nothing is ever all good. Nor is it all bad. It is just what it is – a force to be respected – at all times.


Much love,

Tess ♡

The Essence of Integrity 

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair, Uncategorized

The Ace of Swords, truth and integrity.. not always easy!
Some people cannot help but be honest, it is part of their make up. The essence of this honesty can be seen most beautifully in the Ace of Swords. It is the sword of truth and clarity.

Honesty and truth in theory should mean that life is much more pleasant, but in reality honesty and truth leaves space for hurt. The saying “the truth hurts” has a totally relevant yet different meaning in context of how one lives their life.

Other less evolved beings are attracted to those who live their  truth and honesty. Why would you not be? Not all that are drawn to the Ace of Swords are worthy, but that integrity and beauty of the essence of the Ace of Swords that glistens in the light also means that sometimes we forget that truth in another does not always come so naturally. This creates hurt when the Ace is exposed to deceit.

Aces are beautiful yet fragile. So delicate in their purity that they are easily destroyed. It is very much a two edged sword in this context also – yet of all the Aces, the Sword is the only one that is armed, ready to honour this truth.

Even when the hurt is strong, and we are tempted to change our outlook and bury that essence forever, somehow it’s not possible – perhaps it is because integrity is more valuable to us than being vulnerable.

To live a life that has meaning, to be a human that is shining and sharp means that at times, especially when defences are down, there will be pain. Life is full of pain as we know – yet we have the Sword of truth, integrity and clarity as our weapon when needed  to realise that without these qualities life would be worth nothing – it would all be a lie.

Remaining true to the essence of the Sword not only means we are hard on ourselves when we slip up by dropping our defences – but also gives comfort to us in those moments we are hurt by those who cannot handle this rare beauty and try and manipulate or take advantage of that honesty and innocence.

Always remind yourself, if you hold the Sword, that strength comes with wisdom. Move forward beyond those not evolved enough to face their own truths let alone yours, and feel the magic of integrity.  

Stay focused on the fact that while truth sometimes hurts, your soul remains clean – and that your truth and honesty is a virtue that many claim, but few rarely have. It takes a lot of soul searching to continue that lonely journey!

Truth,and integrity is the most attractive quality in this day and age – and a gift that is rare.


The 7 of Cups and it’s comfort in the lesson of allowing children to experience death face to face.

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair, Uncategorized

A couple of years ago I agreed to adopt an elderly dog. He was a little fat dachshund cross terrier of some description who had belonged to an elderly lady since puppyhood who had subsequently been moved to a nursing home.

The family of the lady didn’t want this dog, so I was asked and said ok. My girls wanted a dog and this little man needed a family.

He was a well-fed man. By well fed I mean overweight. I got him neutered to prevent him roaming and after a month or two of depression from missing his mumma he settled into life with kids.

I believe that old saying is quite true now. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but boy could Mr Bonz be a cunning old dog when it came to swiping cat biscuits! I remember catching him mid swipe having reached up high and carefully getting the little silver bowl of cat food and carefully trotting through the house carrying it perfectly level so as not to spill a morsel of those fishy crunchies by gripping the bowl with his mouth. He wasn’t a silly man that’s for sure.

Obviously with an older dog there would be some ingrained quirks. Yapping at anyone who entered the driveway – even us. Not listening when being instructed to hush. Sitting in MY chair, even when he had his own chair. Stealing cat food. Slightly, well majorly neurotic when he saw the broom, or anything near him, clanking noises and anything other than utter calm.

Laying on his back like an upside down turtle, sometimes getting stuck that way due to his weight problem –  But boy did he have buckets of love to give. Buckets and buckets!

He loved to come in the car riding shotgun. Howling with my middle child  (that was their special thing), compulsive eating if he could and the sweetest disposition a family of 4 females could ever ask for. He was our main man and he had won our hearts.

Adopting an elderly dog is a beautiful thing, you provide life and love and warmth to a being that gives back a zillion times over. But nothing can prepare you for the day the angels call your friend to the soft green fields in the sky. Nothing. Even though you knew this day would come sooner than you expected.

I asked myself if letting my children, Mr Bonza’s second ever family, comfort and be educated and prepared for the next couple of days was a wise move. Being 10, 12 and 17 I felt they were mature enough to face this by his side and strong together as a family. Death is shocking. It is hard. It is messy. It is part of life. This little bundle of furry love needed us now – all of us – more than ever.

As i sit here the day after Mr Bonza has left us feeling lost and a little lonely without him, I again questioned my choice. The Seven of Cups turned over for reflection on the lessons we can take from this sorrow and it tells me many things.

Choices are so many in life. We can never be certain which one is right. Each has it’s own consequences. But more than anything we must sometimes bring things into reality. And do this in a way that will help us grow and evolve.

There is emotion and heart at the core of the decision – and sometimes I feel this is glossed over in the card. 7’s are unstable. There is turmoil. So much happening in the 7 of Cups symbolised by each individual cup that it is difficult to make heads nor tails of things when we are so emotionally charged.

The cards connection to Scorpio shouts at me the most of our connection to death and the spirit world and crossing over. Reassuring that the confusion and uncertainty that this all brings is a necessary process of learning and accepting.

We will all treasure the love and experience of having Mr Bonz in our lives for the time he was gifted to us. Together we will work through the realities of death and letting go, and treasure being with him to comfort him as he passed into permanent ever after.

The care and responsibilities that come with being a pet caretaker are no light matter. There are many parts that are a bit icky and it’s a day in day out responsibility that the girls took on, albeit sometimes reluctantly. Even as a mother I have days where I feel reluctant to do what I must! The joy you gave us outweighed anything else by mountains my friend.  Mr Bonz, you have taken a piece of our hearts with you little man. Thank you for choosing us to spend your last couple of years with, and thank you for allowing all of us to be with you when you left to be with your first mumma in the infinite universe. We will miss you and we treasure the reminder of how precious and fragile life is, and that reality is sometimes hard ! But how beautiful the in between moments are Xxxx 

The Ace of Cups – The Essence of who you are. 

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair, Uncategorized

A couple of years ago I asked the tarot ‘who am I?’ and drew the Ace of Cups. At the time, I was at a stage in life where I had experienced major trauma and life issues that had shaken my world to the ground. I was only at the beginning of slowly piecing back together who I thought I was, without having any clue as to not only who, but how. I didn’t fully understand the significance of the answer the cards gave me, as is usually the way with these things. All I knew was that it was something precious, beautiful and needing to be nurtured and cultivated.

Fast forward to the present moment, and I can see that at the essence of every single one of us is the Ace of Cups. At least we start out that way, and the fact of the matter is that even if our cup, our vessel – the self – is not full, it is still there. All the beautiful love, heart and spirit that we are made up of somehow becomes fragmented and disjointed within our being, and we spend our whole lives trying to refill that cup from external sources, only to find that these external fillers dissipate fairly quickly. And so we feel empty again, inadequate and not enough, so begin to find a new source to fill us up, to complete us.

Again and again we hear and read and see words and seminars and quotes and courses declaring that self love is the key to it all. And for the most part I wholeheartedly agree with this, but feel it also goes much deeper. It is about understanding, forgiving, falling down and getting up. It is gratitude, acceptance, and facing up to the truths we deny deep within.

We have to pick up each fragmented piece and carefully place it exactly where it fits just right for us, and quite often this may not even be the same place it started off at.  

Completion to me does not mean we will never ache, but it does mean we will recognise why we are aching and rummage around within ourselves to find what is needed to fit into that little space that is aching at that time. Little by little, the cup fills and fills, this time the contents remain because that is where they originate from. It is authentic and feels right. We must take care of ourselves properly in order to remain whole. Value ourselves and our own worth. 


No one, no one else can complete us, and we have no right to expect them to. We are born through the universe with all we need waiting to bloom within. The abundance of love, and the capacity for love within us is immeasurable. We are each as lovable now as the day we were born, and learning that and accepting that is essential in our road to feeling complete.


We allow others to take away from us in order to somehow complete themselves, not understanding what is happening, nor realising that by allowing this so willingly, we are becoming more fragmented.

Often we even remove parts of ourselves and hide them deep in our caves of secret self, in order to please others and dim our own shine in order to create comfort for others. We do this to be more ‘loveable’ yet we lose the most important love, and respect – the one that we have for ourselves.

When we don’t love ourselves, we don’t have a very full cup. In fact the emptiness seems impossible to fill. Until we learn to locate the source for nourishment and fulfillment within, we will feel empty. We will top up our cup from external sources.

The most beautiful thing I’ve discovered from the tarot to date is the gifts waiting for us within the Ace of Cups. To know and understand how precious every living being is and to realise that also includes yourself – no matter what we have been groomed to believe – that’s just love right there… so drink from your own cup, shine on and love who you are x 

The fear of letting down our guard – a tarot perspective. 

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair

A recent reading got me thinking a little about how our experiences shape our perception to the point of caging ourselves up so safely that we limit our ability to move freely and enjoy being able to feel and care without fear.

We guard our hearts and spirits so carefully we forget how to bend and shift with the flow. Somehow our rigid stance becomes the only way we know how to be, and we pine for the days when trust, faith and hope came as naturally as breathing. 

It’s a funny thing the power our mind has over us. It’s sad that scars run so deep that they impact so much on every new relationship or choice we are offered. Part of this is self preservation. Part of this is fear. To be free of the bonds would be the most beautiful thing in the world sometimes. 

The challenge of the 9 of Swords is to understand that not all the threats we see are real. Nightmares wake us and that is the thing – we wake up. Waking up in a metaphorical sense is good. It helps us grow and gain awareness. 
Differentiating between the imagination and reality can be tricky when we have worked hard to find safety and healing. We fear risking that again. How can we live a life that is full and joyous if we remain a prisoner of our fears, or in our self made little cocoon. We cannot. 

The only way forward is in small measures. A little way, pause and check, then a little way more. If this gets us moving in the direction of freedom, light and love – the very thing we were born to have – then so be it. 

Little by little, ever so patiently moving out into the world. Each step a success in it’s own right. Yes, the scars will always be there. But that heart still beats. Maybe one day without even realising it, the safety guard might be lowered enough to allow that spirit to be fully part of something breathtaking, with enough trust to feel safe. No longer constantly assessing for danger and threats. 
Then you will have become the master of your own heart, rather than the gatekeeper. I look forward to that day. Very much! 

x

Aching – can it help us? 

Consciousness, Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, Tarot Thoughts, The Pondering Chair

Sometimes I think we need to ache a little to find out who we truly are. We become so layered with sheets and sheets of who we are supposed to be, what we are supposed to be doing, how we are supposed to act, speak, think and feel that the true essence of our being becomes concreted over with these layers and layers of thin cement of conforming and adapting and fitting in.

Our soul and spirit becomes uncomfortable with this. It becomes itchy, and for some of us we cannot ignore this itch so we begin to pick at the layers here and there. Then the open areas become inflamed and sore. An infection begins and starts to fester. Naturally we begin to hurt. The hurting spreads into our system and our lives begin to become uncomfortable. We cannot pinpoint the exact reason or source, yet we just know something is terribly wrong and we don’t know how to heal it.


By this time we have started to strip back the layers. Usually not one by one, because we are not aware that we have gradually built them up. We don’t even know they are there! That is being unconscious. If we are slowly waking to consciousness we may have stirrings of this, and we can gently peel them back or chip away with a delicate chisel. This is a painful process. The being underneath is raw and vulnerable. It has not seen the light in a long time.


Each layer is built as a defence mechanism, as an aspect of acceptability in a world of being ‘normal’ and part of the crowd. The uniqueness that is you underneath all of this is something that started to be covered over as a young teenager. Yet here you are, at a pivotal point in life, so miserably unhappy. What is the point of all this? Who am I? Where did it all go wrong? Why is everything so hard? I’m so over it all. How can I be happy? If only….


There is no real if only. There is only now. There is only facing up to reality that underneath all this pain and sadness is a human who is lost beneath layers of inauthenticity and conforming to ideals that don’t feed the soul.


We need to experience the pain to find the source. We need to ache to know things are not right. There are no quick fixes or magical cures. We must deal with each chunk of our non authentic self before we can become reacquainted with our true and beautiful core. The core that is made up of dark and light.


The process is not pain free. But it is liberating. As the armour gets lighter, our spirit lifts a little more each time. We will hover and rise up, and fall down a little over and over for a time. That is part of it. But that is movement – much better than wallowing and stagnating in a boggy pond.


The process to strip and chip away at the layers of conforming and masking our authentic selves is not for the faint hearted. When we are hurting there is usually a reason. It is a signal from our amazing body telling us something is not right. This is no different when our spirit and soul is crying out. I wonder why we do not acknowledge this more often?

Just a thought.

Much love, Tess xo

The 10 of Cups – Happy Ever After. 

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair

I have been wondering about this 10 of Cups. In the reality of the world we live in, is this image even attainable in a permanent way? I don’t think it is in the way we as humans think so. We chase after it, boy do we chase after it! I’ve always looked at some of the depictions and thought wow, that’s a bit dreamy and perfect, I want that. But of course it never pans out. At least not in the way I imagine it. And therein lies the problem. We, as imperfect, changeable beings, living in an imperfect world, with all the other imperfect changeable beings want perfection. 
It is kind of destined for a few hiccups before we even begin, yet we still hold fast to the storybook ending. We don’t realise that an ending is in fact the end. Over. But, if we are blessed enough to be given the gift of continuing our life’s journey we can  realise that happily ever after is really a state of heart and mind and not that elusive picture of perfection. It is not happiness we need, it is inner peace. 
I have been pondering further what brings inner peace. 
1. Gratitude. A grateful heart. We can have everything in the world and still want more, or we can have very little and feel like the most blessed person on earth. It comes down to our perspective. 
2. Compassion. It is so easy to judge others, especially when we feel self righteous or better morally or socially. We might think our choices and decisions are smarter, wiser, more thoughtful. Perhaps we feel we do more and give more, our children are better behaved and so on. When we judge others and measure them against ourselves and vice versa we lack compassion. Without it, how can we truly find peace and happiness? 
3.  Forgiveness. Each of us has the power, and the ability to hurt each other through our words, actions, deeds and sometimes inconsiderate behavior, even at times without realising it. And each of us can not say we haven’t at some stage done this. Holding on to anger, hate, disappointment and negative feelings and thoughts cannot provide our soul and heart with a positive environment to flourish and be light. Working hard to release old wounds can do much to help us in finding lasting peace and happiness. 


4. Love! Love of the earth, love of others, and self love. Self love is a hard one. A really hard one! I truly believe that without working on this part, we won’t ever find lasting contentment. We can be very cruel to ourselves, more cruel than we realise. To accept that we are authentic, and valuable. To realise that our own voices, hearts and minds matter and we are worthy is another key to finding true and lasting happiness. 
There are many other aspects to finding a happy ever after that is real and lasting. We think more often than not that it is an external ideal of something we have pictured or planned. Once we can get past the idealised happy scene – the one that is just a moment in time – and discover that happiness and more importantly inner peace comes from our own essence, we can actually find it and keep it with us.  
So there is more for me to the 10 of Cups than just a few moments of happiness now when I see it in passing. I just love how the cards inspire me to ponder on more than just the moment of the reading. I’m very grateful for that. 🙂 I learn so much. XX