Choices, Consequence and Moral Codes – The Lovers, Justice & The Hierophant

Law of Attraction, Major Arcana, The Pondering Chair

I have discovered on a personal level that I have ingrained codes of what affects my conscience. It’s funny how we don’t realise the potential effect our actions can have on others until we are faced with a personal moral dilemma.

It’s interesting how The Lovers, Justice and The Hierophant can tell the story of choice between pure love and desire, the consequences of that choice and how far we are willing to go before our moral and ethical beliefs cause us to choose what we believe at our core essence and halt.

It makes us question how high or low we wish to demonstrate our value, and pushes us to draw back and truly understand a part of ourselves that we always believed we had, but never truly claimed ownership to.

There are times in our life where we do what’s right not because we want to, but because our higher self compels us. To battle against what we truly desire and have in reach, is a real test of our self value.

The Wheel shows us that what goes around comes around, we are never up for too long and never right down for too long. It shows us that what we put out, returns, and teaches us that what we are considering breaking our code for is never meant to be permanent anyway. Change and movement is inevitable. Pretending it isn’t is fooling ourselves and setting us up for The Tower.

To have these dilemmas of conscience brings us to a state of hanging – The Hanged Man and all that his meaning encompasses. We are suspended in a state of being almost frozen. Fear, pride, wanting – all these things bring us to a period of deep silent reflection. Uncomfortable reflection too.

Our world has been turned upside down and all we can do is retreat until we have the insight to accept what is and learn that the more we fight, the more fatigued we get.

There is an opportunity for surrender to our higher self. To come to a solitary conclusion in which we know that this period has taught us so much enables us to let go of what has put us in this position in the first place.

Of course personally I have faced moral choices before, but somehow the low value I placed on myself was a perfectly acceptable reason to ignore that caring, knowing voice of logic and heart. This always, always resulted in the Wheel turning abruptly, and the harsh side of Justice to come slamming down.

Usually this was by not only the personal shame that was felt in the long-term , but by the Law of Attraction making me harvest what I had sown.

To find out what it is like to care about oneself, and to truly believe that we deserve so much good is quite a new concept for those who never before have placed high value on their own existence.

To get used to having love for oneself and believe in being worthy is the key to loving others in a way that is pure and almost holy. The choices we face, the dualities of light and dark, cause and effect become clearly apparent to us.

This also means that anything that doesn’t align with the amazing gifts we as precious beings deserve in every aspect of our lives becomes blatantly obvious. With this high value, we know instinctively that the choice we must decide on is clear .

This personal growth, value of self and awareness does not mean it is by any means always easy to make the right choices for us. But it does give us the springboard to remain true to our authenticity. That is the road to inner peace. That is the solid seedling of true love. All of a sudden it makes sense – to love others we must first love ourselves.

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The 10 of Swords and Growth

Consciousness, Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair

There are times in our life that just suck… a lot. Usually things get really bad before they get better. I have no reasoning for this, it is just the way it is. That saying “it is always darkest before the dawn” is such a fitting saying for these times and for the 10 of Swords.

For some reason, we humans have to hit rock bottom to see a way out, or up. We have to feel the full force of the pain before we can heal. There is a contradictory beauty to being shattered – it gives us the tools to grow, learn and flourish. Sometimes that is the only way we can.

It is often through intense pain we begin to see and understand. It is the most unpleasant way to revelation, yet the most powerful and transforming way too.

It is not easy to find hope and strength when we are lying weak, broken and alone on the floor, it is not easy to pick oneself up. It is tempting to remain there and give up altogether. To just give in to the wounded and shattered feelings, and feed off our misery.

But as you are evolving and awakening to consciousness, you understand that there is sometimes grace through suffering.

By this I mean drawing on the self love you have, to compassionately see that whilst it feels like you have been wounded beyond repair, you are aware that this too shall pass, and you will be wiser, stronger and ready to face life, and the world with new eyes.

You are able to build your courage, determination and mind back up to wholeness. Knowing what you have learned and experienced.

That is one of the most precious gifts of all – the power of resilience and healing we as humans can naturally adopt. We are designed to gradually self heal from these moments.

Before this healing takes place we must come to terms with the ending and annihalation we are feeling. We must then have faith in the process.

The comfort that comes from this card is that the worst is over or soon will be.

While this ending can be so hard, more often than not it is the slam that can lead us to awakening for the first time. The universe acts for our highest good, regardless of how we see it.

As I reflect for a moment on the 10 of Swords times in life, it occurs to me that if I had never hit the ground, I’d have never seen the stars.

The 6 of Wands – Honour

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts


A recent experience that affected me on a number of levels caused me to really self reflect.

I am grateful for the gift of the cards, as they never fail to show me how I can learn from any experiences that shake me up, and their insight provides me with objectivity.

The experience hit my confidence hard in a sense that it really put my intuition to the test, and highlighted my weak areas as a human trying to make sense of the people around me and their actions as well as my reactions.


When we take a blow that hurts us, we are often grappling for grounding, reason and direction. The way we move forward from these lessons is all about our attitude. This is hard when our actions have contributed to our hiccups, and I have come away from this period realising some remarkable things.


Feelings are impossible to deny. They are gifted to us for a reason, and sometimes we try hard to fight them. This may work briefly, but if we don’t bring them into the light and allow them space, we will not be free. Allowing space, and time for our feelings sucks – big time! Especially the uncomfortable ones. But the thing is, they do pass. That is most definitely an attitude to hold on to.


Other people. We seem to think or believe that we have some right to hold other people accountable for their actions. Well let me say that it is not our business, let alone right to bring people to accountability when they are not on the same page. This accountability must be their own realisation.

It is up to each of us alone to hold ourselves accountable. Allowing another to unknowingly or knowingly bring us down is not their load or burden. Even if we feel as though we have been hurt or treated in a way we don’t understand and gain that closure and resolution we want, it doesn’t often come. So why do we allow something we cannot control to change our self regard? It’s craziness. The hurt does fade, as soon as we learn to accept what we cannot change.


We have choices. That is our inherited gift from the universe. We can choose to allow actions and reactions to bring us down low, or we can have confidence in the person we are. That is a choice! As soon as we honour that choice and see that a few bad moments do not define us we can walk forward with integrity.


The what if’s, if only’s and shoulda, coulda, woulda’s only serve to keep us down! That’s no way to live.

Accepting our roles in situations and reflecting and learning gives us the option to learn more about our less self-honouring traits. When we are aware of them, we can work on them and grow into a better version of our amazing, yet far from perfect authentic selves.


Justice comes to all. That knowledge and truth is as old as human existence. Seeking to interfere with the natural order of choice/consequence untips the balance of the natural laws of repercussions for actions. Just let it go!


The 6 of Wands is a beautiful reminder to hold your head high, forgiving yourself for any miscalculations or human emotion charged actions that we may have contributed, without arrogance and self righteousness. We all topple off our figurative horse at times, but carrying ourselves with self respect, self worth and the attitude of being enough, that’s pretty cool.


Honour your journey. Learn from the mistakes. Let go. Release others from your space when they do not understand, respect or value the good parts of you. Hold yourself accountable for your actions and march forward. Be confident in who you are, knowing that despite your errors and hurts, you are the hero, the champion of your own story. ♡

The Essence of Integrity 

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair, Uncategorized

The Ace of Swords, truth and integrity.. not always easy!
Some people cannot help but be honest, it is part of their make up. The essence of this honesty can be seen most beautifully in the Ace of Swords. It is the sword of truth and clarity.

Honesty and truth in theory should mean that life is much more pleasant, but in reality honesty and truth leaves space for hurt. The saying “the truth hurts” has a totally relevant yet different meaning in context of how one lives their life.

Other less evolved beings are attracted to those who live their  truth and honesty. Why would you not be? Not all that are drawn to the Ace of Swords are worthy, but that integrity and beauty of the essence of the Ace of Swords that glistens in the light also means that sometimes we forget that truth in another does not always come so naturally. This creates hurt when the Ace is exposed to deceit.

Aces are beautiful yet fragile. So delicate in their purity that they are easily destroyed. It is very much a two edged sword in this context also – yet of all the Aces, the Sword is the only one that is armed, ready to honour this truth.

Even when the hurt is strong, and we are tempted to change our outlook and bury that essence forever, somehow it’s not possible – perhaps it is because integrity is more valuable to us than being vulnerable.

To live a life that has meaning, to be a human that is shining and sharp means that at times, especially when defences are down, there will be pain. Life is full of pain as we know – yet we have the Sword of truth, integrity and clarity as our weapon when needed  to realise that without these qualities life would be worth nothing – it would all be a lie.

Remaining true to the essence of the Sword not only means we are hard on ourselves when we slip up by dropping our defences – but also gives comfort to us in those moments we are hurt by those who cannot handle this rare beauty and try and manipulate or take advantage of that honesty and innocence.

Always remind yourself, if you hold the Sword, that strength comes with wisdom. Move forward beyond those not evolved enough to face their own truths let alone yours, and feel the magic of integrity.  

Stay focused on the fact that while truth sometimes hurts, your soul remains clean – and that your truth and honesty is a virtue that many claim, but few rarely have. It takes a lot of soul searching to continue that lonely journey!

Truth,and integrity is the most attractive quality in this day and age – and a gift that is rare.


The 7 of Cups and it’s comfort in the lesson of allowing children to experience death face to face.

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair, Uncategorized

A couple of years ago I agreed to adopt an elderly dog. He was a little fat dachshund cross terrier of some description who had belonged to an elderly lady since puppyhood who had subsequently been moved to a nursing home.

The family of the lady didn’t want this dog, so I was asked and said ok. My girls wanted a dog and this little man needed a family.

He was a well-fed man. By well fed I mean overweight. I got him neutered to prevent him roaming and after a month or two of depression from missing his mumma he settled into life with kids.

I believe that old saying is quite true now. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but boy could Mr Bonz be a cunning old dog when it came to swiping cat biscuits! I remember catching him mid swipe having reached up high and carefully getting the little silver bowl of cat food and carefully trotting through the house carrying it perfectly level so as not to spill a morsel of those fishy crunchies by gripping the bowl with his mouth. He wasn’t a silly man that’s for sure.

Obviously with an older dog there would be some ingrained quirks. Yapping at anyone who entered the driveway – even us. Not listening when being instructed to hush. Sitting in MY chair, even when he had his own chair. Stealing cat food. Slightly, well majorly neurotic when he saw the broom, or anything near him, clanking noises and anything other than utter calm.

Laying on his back like an upside down turtle, sometimes getting stuck that way due to his weight problem –  But boy did he have buckets of love to give. Buckets and buckets!

He loved to come in the car riding shotgun. Howling with my middle child  (that was their special thing), compulsive eating if he could and the sweetest disposition a family of 4 females could ever ask for. He was our main man and he had won our hearts.

Adopting an elderly dog is a beautiful thing, you provide life and love and warmth to a being that gives back a zillion times over. But nothing can prepare you for the day the angels call your friend to the soft green fields in the sky. Nothing. Even though you knew this day would come sooner than you expected.

I asked myself if letting my children, Mr Bonza’s second ever family, comfort and be educated and prepared for the next couple of days was a wise move. Being 10, 12 and 17 I felt they were mature enough to face this by his side and strong together as a family. Death is shocking. It is hard. It is messy. It is part of life. This little bundle of furry love needed us now – all of us – more than ever.

As i sit here the day after Mr Bonza has left us feeling lost and a little lonely without him, I again questioned my choice. The Seven of Cups turned over for reflection on the lessons we can take from this sorrow and it tells me many things.

Choices are so many in life. We can never be certain which one is right. Each has it’s own consequences. But more than anything we must sometimes bring things into reality. And do this in a way that will help us grow and evolve.

There is emotion and heart at the core of the decision – and sometimes I feel this is glossed over in the card. 7’s are unstable. There is turmoil. So much happening in the 7 of Cups symbolised by each individual cup that it is difficult to make heads nor tails of things when we are so emotionally charged.

The cards connection to Scorpio shouts at me the most of our connection to death and the spirit world and crossing over. Reassuring that the confusion and uncertainty that this all brings is a necessary process of learning and accepting.

We will all treasure the love and experience of having Mr Bonz in our lives for the time he was gifted to us. Together we will work through the realities of death and letting go, and treasure being with him to comfort him as he passed into permanent ever after.

The care and responsibilities that come with being a pet caretaker are no light matter. There are many parts that are a bit icky and it’s a day in day out responsibility that the girls took on, albeit sometimes reluctantly. Even as a mother I have days where I feel reluctant to do what I must! The joy you gave us outweighed anything else by mountains my friend.  Mr Bonz, you have taken a piece of our hearts with you little man. Thank you for choosing us to spend your last couple of years with, and thank you for allowing all of us to be with you when you left to be with your first mumma in the infinite universe. We will miss you and we treasure the reminder of how precious and fragile life is, and that reality is sometimes hard ! But how beautiful the in between moments are Xxxx 

The Ace of Cups – The Essence of who you are. 

Minor Arcana - Major Thoughts, The Pondering Chair, Uncategorized

A couple of years ago I asked the tarot ‘who am I?’ and drew the Ace of Cups. At the time, I was at a stage in life where I had experienced major trauma and life issues that had shaken my world to the ground. I was only at the beginning of slowly piecing back together who I thought I was, without having any clue as to not only who, but how. I didn’t fully understand the significance of the answer the cards gave me, as is usually the way with these things. All I knew was that it was something precious, beautiful and needing to be nurtured and cultivated.

Fast forward to the present moment, and I can see that at the essence of every single one of us is the Ace of Cups. At least we start out that way, and the fact of the matter is that even if our cup, our vessel – the self – is not full, it is still there. All the beautiful love, heart and spirit that we are made up of somehow becomes fragmented and disjointed within our being, and we spend our whole lives trying to refill that cup from external sources, only to find that these external fillers dissipate fairly quickly. And so we feel empty again, inadequate and not enough, so begin to find a new source to fill us up, to complete us.

Again and again we hear and read and see words and seminars and quotes and courses declaring that self love is the key to it all. And for the most part I wholeheartedly agree with this, but feel it also goes much deeper. It is about understanding, forgiving, falling down and getting up. It is gratitude, acceptance, and facing up to the truths we deny deep within.

We have to pick up each fragmented piece and carefully place it exactly where it fits just right for us, and quite often this may not even be the same place it started off at.  

Completion to me does not mean we will never ache, but it does mean we will recognise why we are aching and rummage around within ourselves to find what is needed to fit into that little space that is aching at that time. Little by little, the cup fills and fills, this time the contents remain because that is where they originate from. It is authentic and feels right. We must take care of ourselves properly in order to remain whole. Value ourselves and our own worth. 


No one, no one else can complete us, and we have no right to expect them to. We are born through the universe with all we need waiting to bloom within. The abundance of love, and the capacity for love within us is immeasurable. We are each as lovable now as the day we were born, and learning that and accepting that is essential in our road to feeling complete.


We allow others to take away from us in order to somehow complete themselves, not understanding what is happening, nor realising that by allowing this so willingly, we are becoming more fragmented.

Often we even remove parts of ourselves and hide them deep in our caves of secret self, in order to please others and dim our own shine in order to create comfort for others. We do this to be more ‘loveable’ yet we lose the most important love, and respect – the one that we have for ourselves.

When we don’t love ourselves, we don’t have a very full cup. In fact the emptiness seems impossible to fill. Until we learn to locate the source for nourishment and fulfillment within, we will feel empty. We will top up our cup from external sources.

The most beautiful thing I’ve discovered from the tarot to date is the gifts waiting for us within the Ace of Cups. To know and understand how precious every living being is and to realise that also includes yourself – no matter what we have been groomed to believe – that’s just love right there… so drink from your own cup, shine on and love who you are x 

A different kind of discipline – Card 8

Tarot Thoughts

I have had an interesting day internally. One of those days where one feels lost and unsettled but not sure why. A nagging headache that feels like I’ve been partying all night as well. 

I’m used to getting migraines, but not these nagging headaches. Feeling unsettled and not being able to find peace is not a common feeling for me these days either. It is frustrating to say the least. 

I have noticed too that I have been less inclined to share my random thoughts and feelings – something that I have always done as part of my healing path and journey to find my authenticity, yet lately I find I am internalise much more of this. 
I actually started to fear that I was censoring myself out of fear, and losing my ability to retain my authentic essence. A thought that quite frankly left me terrified me. This would mean that my sense of safety and self acceptance was feeling threatened by judgment of others and acceptance issues. These two nasty little ego based toxins are the ruin of much of our joy in life. 
Investigation and action was what was needed to find out what on earth was bubbling away under the surface of my over active piscean mind and spirit. Objective, honest and frank insight always does the trick. 

Strength… an interesting and insightful response. Triggering many thoughts and feelings, but first that perhaps my need to express and communicate so uncensored and randomly was part of my authentic self, but on the flip side the need to sometimes censor and withhold was part of that Higher self. To know when to pull back and breathe and have discipline. 
We all need to learn discipline. We are as multi layered and complex as the symbols and meanings in the cards… you can’t even put a number on it. To give in to that need to let loose always – no matter what the context – does not make us any higher evolved than a beast. As beautiful and powerful as the creatures illustrated in Card 8 are, it is fact that as humans we are more evolved with different abilities and minds and needs and self control is one of them. It is part of what makes us unique in the universe. 
There is absolute beauty and magnificence in letting our authenticity shine. What is the point of denying any of it if it causes no harm? But authenticity encompasses the whole self – the wild and beautiful self, and the quiet and thoughtful self. The compassionate caring self and the subdued and blissful self. 
Part of the journey is exploring every single part of who we are and what we are. 

Sometimes there are parts that we may not like to share with others, and keep only for those gentle enough to love us anyway. I have learned through this that the less noise we make, the more we hear. To think before we speak, do, act, accept, believe is a very good thing. 
Not everyone will caress us gently, not many will truly love us for the human we really fully are. Even less will understand us. That is why we must make sure we are so compassionate and gentle with ourselves. Especially when we are wholeheartedly striving to be the essence of love we were meant to be when we entered the earth. 
It’s a very hit and miss journey for the most part. Goodness me we lose our way a fair bit! Somehow though we seem to get back on the right track. I suppose none of it was ever about losing my sense of safety in my space, it was about coming to terms with the next phase of the journey. Learning to let go of the wild and free and embracing the discipline of self love… !