I have had an interesting day internally. One of those days where one feels lost and unsettled but not sure why. A nagging headache that feels like I’ve been partying all night as well.
I’m used to getting migraines, but not these nagging headaches. Feeling unsettled and not being able to find peace is not a common feeling for me these days either. It is frustrating to say the least.
I have noticed too that I have been less inclined to share my random thoughts and feelings – something that I have always done as part of my healing path and journey to find my authenticity, yet lately I find I am internalise much more of this.
I actually started to fear that I was censoring myself out of fear, and losing my ability to retain my authentic essence. A thought that quite frankly left me terrified me. This would mean that my sense of safety and self acceptance was feeling threatened by judgment of others and acceptance issues. These two nasty little ego based toxins are the ruin of much of our joy in life.
Investigation and action was what was needed to find out what on earth was bubbling away under the surface of my over active piscean mind and spirit. Objective, honest and frank insight always does the trick.
Strength… an interesting and insightful response. Triggering many thoughts and feelings, but first that perhaps my need to express and communicate so uncensored and randomly was part of my authentic self, but on the flip side the need to sometimes censor and withhold was part of that Higher self. To know when to pull back and breathe and have discipline.
We all need to learn discipline. We are as multi layered and complex as the symbols and meanings in the cards… you can’t even put a number on it. To give in to that need to let loose always – no matter what the context – does not make us any higher evolved than a beast. As beautiful and powerful as the creatures illustrated in Card 8 are, it is fact that as humans we are more evolved with different abilities and minds and needs and self control is one of them. It is part of what makes us unique in the universe.
There is absolute beauty and magnificence in letting our authenticity shine. What is the point of denying any of it if it causes no harm? But authenticity encompasses the whole self – the wild and beautiful self, and the quiet and thoughtful self. The compassionate caring self and the subdued and blissful self.
Part of the journey is exploring every single part of who we are and what we are.
Sometimes there are parts that we may not like to share with others, and keep only for those gentle enough to love us anyway. I have learned through this that the less noise we make, the more we hear. To think before we speak, do, act, accept, believe is a very good thing.
Not everyone will caress us gently, not many will truly love us for the human we really fully are. Even less will understand us. That is why we must make sure we are so compassionate and gentle with ourselves. Especially when we are wholeheartedly striving to be the essence of love we were meant to be when we entered the earth.
It’s a very hit and miss journey for the most part. Goodness me we lose our way a fair bit! Somehow though we seem to get back on the right track. I suppose none of it was ever about losing my sense of safety in my space, it was about coming to terms with the next phase of the journey. Learning to let go of the wild and free and embracing the discipline of self love… !