Have you ever felt something within you brewing so deeply- a major shift on the horizon? This has been simmering within me for a little while. Knowing something is going to transform, yet not knowing what, why or how. It might sound kooky, whacko or a little too way out, but part of this transformation is accepting that I may indeed come across that way at times and quite frankly it doesn’t affect my sense of self respect one tiny bit!
I cannot explain why this shift has occurred. I don’t know if it’s the years and months of hard work on healing the lifelong scars of self disgust or if it’s the looming milestone birth year anniversary. All I know is it feels liberating, exhilarating and finally at the point of accepting that I am perfectly okay being the amazing miracle I am, just as every other being on this planet and beyond is!!
I wanted to express this experience in the most articulate and accurate way possible, with the passion and emotion I am feeling. And so, I turned to my deck and asked for guidance on how to best share insight into this major shift. Death! Oh my excitement when this card turned over. How absolutely perfect.
The moment of finality. The ultimate ending to something that is no longer healthy or able to continue on it’s earthly path. The beauty of this symbolic death is that there is a lifetime of lessons, memories, experiences. Death in the tarot is not to be feared. It is to be celebrated! Sometimes when something dies, there is absolutely no question that it will bring about benefit for the greater good as it breaks down and returns to source.
The Tarot of Trees shows an old tree that has been chopped down. This tree was useful and beautiful whilst it lived, but now it will go on to be recycled into timber for other uses. The leaves will decompose for nutrients in the ground and perhaps a new tree might one day grow in it’s place. We can mourn the loss of the tree, but life goes on around it.
My shift is a bit like this tree. I have felt like I have lost my purpose and way for several years. Slowly losing the lush vitality I once enjoyed. As the bubbling has come up to the surface and the old me has been slowly chopped down, this moment of Death is a welcome relief. I am excited for what may now become my repurpose.
The leaves I have shed will feed the soil for a while to come and the seasoning of the wood will take time. The transformation will be an experience I’ve never known, but I am ready to receive. This symbolic death cannot be undone. It is scary, it is permanent, but there is light and there is hope.
I don’t care what others think of me anymore. I’m not afraid of stepping into my authenticity wholly and fully. If something doesn’t feel right, I say no. If it needs to be expressed, I will express it. It’s like waking up to find out that It’s okay to be exactly who I am, negative traits and all – and I need no one’s approval or permission.
It is perfectly fine to forgive, feel compassion and sometimes feel all the emotions that make up being human. To be angry is to show wounds that need healing. It is not defective to live and to learn. It is part of the whole process. To be totally ok with who and what we are, from the depths of our being, whether we are where we want to be or only halfway there makes no difference. We are each where we are supposed to be right in this moment.
So this shift, this change, it feels good. It feels a little unfamiliar, yet nothing can go back to how it was and that is the nature of the symbolic death.