Something bizarre happened this morning. I was thinking about what to write. Same process as every day. Then a memory from over 20 years ago suddenly popped in my head. It was a silly song that a friend and I came up with. My friend, who has long long ago left my circle played the bongos to the words. We had a cracking little tune with it too! In that space in time,
I don’t know why, after all these years that popped up in my mind so vividly. Back then, for a tiny moment in time, I had begun to feel like I had found my place. I had a sense of freedom and connection to something universally unfathomable. Albeit very miniscule in comparison to now, yet it felt right. To be free to worship and love in a way that honored my soul.
Life happened and I got married and settled down, trying to be ‘normal’. I had an emptiness though. Normal suburbia was what my ego wanted, but not what my spirit needed.
For years and years I floundered. I really did. Wanting something but not finding it. Living in a world where the ego reigned supreme. Chasing ‘normality’, dreams of the perfect family life and judging myself through the eyes of others!
And then when my soul couldn’t bare anymore of the falseness and the bullshit that was my life, I became the one torn asunder.
And through all that, I learned so much. I often write about subjects that are near and dear to my heart. Based on my experiences and the conclusion I come to of these experiences. I learned what it truly meant to turn my back on absolutely everything and walk away. It hurt me. It hurt a lot. Yet it was something I had to do.
Back to that silly song. That time in my life was a time when I felt moments of wholeness connected with nature, and asking myself the big questions. I understand now that I had to veer off my path, to learn lessons the hard way. And boy, have I experienced some big lessons!
Yet though my study and passion for the tarot, I have finally found myself back on that track that I was in as a much younger woman. I am so much more grateful now. I have turned away from organizations who do not honour my uniqueness and my soul. My family is now just me and my children, yet it is finally that perfect family environment. Normality for us is crystals and tarot cards and conversations about anything and everything. We have fun, being absolutely true to our own individuality.
I care not about appearances to the other mothers at school. I no longer try to fit in to a niche that I don’t. The opinion of others matters little these days.
I now honour the earth and the universe in a deeper, more mature way. I have so much more to learn. The path has lots of twists and turns, yet I embrace them as I have guidance from the universe through my cards and through synchronicity. I know I am going the right way at this present moment.
I am blessed. I am grateful. I am enjoying the journey. Tarot has taught me more than I could ever have imagined.
Posted With love & joy to you always, Tess