* a person’s experience as they read the universal wisdom understand and the eloquent way it depicts the journey of abuse*
Meeting the Lovers in the context of the heart. Choosing because it feels so right, the promise so juicy and good. Finally – that fairytale in a box. . All your dreams coming true! How can it be bad?
Whatever choices offerered, this one shows the most fulfillment of the heart. How can it be wrong? Love conquers all.
So you take the fruit offered… its good for you right?
Slowly life becomes real. The fruit is not so perfect. It has been sprayed with a toxic poison that slowly kills. How could you have been so oblivious?
Slowly you discover the evil of the poison. It is the fruit of sorrow, lies, pain, torture. The truth was there from the start. Your inexperience, immaturity and ignorance of the consequences of the reality of that ‘too good to be true’ kept you blindfolded by the spell of the perfectly tempting fruit – the masquerade that answered your dreams.
The choices you make, you now understand, have consequences beyond the wildest imagination…
Your perfect paradise transforms into a hell like prison. You are a slave – trapped by shame, fear, guilt, self-loathing. You believe you truly are weak and worthless, this is your living hell for eternity. You spend your days chained to this horror, the nights barely sleeping as he torments you.
The Devil is dancing with delight. He revels in his knowledge that you are not bound there, you just believe it. He feeds off your misery knowing all the while that it is in your power to leave his pit. But you are trapped by the bearer of the perfect but secretly tainted poisononous fruit that was given to you on false pretences, each piece of you he takes makes him grow stronger.
You grow ever more weary of this hell. You know that one day you must escape. You will escape. How and when? That is to be revealed to you. You long for that freedom to breathe. The peace you once had to exist.
One day the eggshells you tiptoe on in your living hell crack a little too loudly and trigger off a massive chain of events. Your living breath is all but seconds from being snuffed out by the growing toxicity of the poison you are trapped with. It will be better if it is done finally you think. Then you clearly see in a flash of clarity. The walls come crashing in.
All that is left around you is chaos, ruin and devastation. The air feels thick and disgusting. Gone. Everything is gone. The chains have been broken but the wounds are raw and infected. Your captor is left behind you, still chained to the Devil for now.
Your home is gone. Your life as you knew it – the bits you clung to prior to your choice – all gone. You feel to blame for all the horrors inflicted upon you. What is so wrong with you to deserve such cruelty. The blood pouring down your face drips unnoticed onto your dress.
You fall down in the rubble and cry for the first time like your heart is going to explode into a million pieces. You feel nothing but shame and self disgust. Where to now? How did I become so small and unworthy?
Eventually you slowly and weakly get up. You start to painfully take tiny tiny steps out into the clear air. It hurts. It hurts so badly. You are now a soulless empty broken piece – no spirit left. You do not know who you are anymore. You are nothing.
You look back too often in the first months. But as you take a step forward, then backwards, forward then 2 backward, the glances back become further apart.
You are seeing a faint twinkle in the night sky. Now the dust has settled you realise the beauty of the universe. Your new journey is hard, especially these early years. You are frightened the poison will find you. But you know looking back is not going forward.
Still now, every so often, the bitterness of the poison rises up through your veins to remind you of this harsh lesson in consequences, in cause and effect, in reality.
The lessons were hard. But you have emerged stronger than you could ever believe. You see that peace and love comes from within. Worthiness comes from you. No other can devalue the true essence that is you.
The truth is that the journey has stripped you bare. The reality is this has allowed you to cleanse from the inside out. You know there is more cleansing and work to be done.
How grateful you are that the Tarot has guided you every step of the way.
Gratitude must replace the bad taste. Thankfulness that the gift of life still is yours, blessed that you have learned, so next time you pass through the Garden you are wiser and more humble.
Where does this beautiful star lead? You begin to learn. Really learn the value of existing. Hope is almost part of your life again. Almost. You discover how precious you are. You feel the earth run through you. You are becoming who the source meant you to be. A being without selfishness. A being of compassion and wonder. You are healing from the wounds of the abuser.